First sem: major major probs?

                I should have finished my article for the newsletter until I decided to just write this— uh, whatever you call it. You should have read my post in tumblr last June before you read the succeeding paragraphs. So this is how it goes.

my first day went a li’l like this…

so yesterday„ i was like— yay i’m now in college!! and when the first day came„ i was like— uhh ok dis is what you call college?? haha

when i stepped in my classroom„ there are no students yet (‘cause i was too early psh!!).. i just entered and opened the lights and fans.. surprisingly„ when i entered my room„ students followed to enter.. maybe they just feel nervous and awkward if they will be the one who will enter the room first.. but as for me„ i really don’t care haha!! we didn’t have our self-introduction as what i’ve expected.. teachers just discussed our requirements and their grading systems and that’s it.. =]

so we’re given a homework in our english class.. =/ and lol i’m happy for my schedule.. Mondays- 7am- 3pm Tuesdays- Saturdays- 7am- 12 nn good thing we’re only in a half day basis all the time..

                As you can see, that is how I pictured college. Whenever I think of what I was thinking before I step on the grounds of Lorma, I just feel embarrassed. I see Lorma as a typical college with typical students who are typically taught by typical teachers with typical lessons. When I attended my classes for the first 2 weeks, I was like a loner? Uhm, no. Not a loner because I have known a few. Maybe I was an emo? Not again because it’s just an inappropriate word since I view the word ‘emo’ as a characteristic that is possessed by every person in their own ways. I was sick of being an average student (which I really wasn’t when I was in high school) until I vowed to myself that I will practice FC (feeling close) to my new classmates. I succeeded and gained friendship with different faces. I used my capabilities and my resources. I let some of my classmates copy my home works, seat works, and sometimes my answers in quizzes. I know it isn’t right but I supposed that through these, I can gain their trust, more camaraderie, and the feeling of belongingness. Until I came to realize that I am being abused. In the middle part of the semester, I felt like I am being abused. I learned not to be too openhanded. I became conscious that it would be unfair for my part that I am doing my very best and they will just copy what I have worked hard for. In a sense of being not too harsh, I understood that I am not helping them to be independent; instead, I am helping them to be reliant.

                I aspired to be one of the half scholars. Aside from the literal meaning that my tuition fee will be half, I want to be commended by my parents. After the finals (during the semestral break), I have gone through a sudden breakdown with my newly found friends. Yeah, it is a breakdown, a collapse, a failure, an interruption. Some of them consider me as ‘pilosopo’ but I did not look at it negatively instead, I view it as a compliment. It only means that those people who scrutinize me as such think that I am superior. Yes, I see myself as superior (well, who doesn’t?) but when I am with more superior mates, I end up considering myself as an inferior. Some would say that I have changed. They have not yet known me for years and they would say that I have changed? Yeah, maybe I have changed since the first two weeks that I am with them but as I have said, they have not yet effin’ known me for years.

                I am fond of sending group messages. Not the usual GMs but those are somewhat informative or essential for one’s daily activities. I do not understand why there are some people who are not yet used to the fact that a certain network is malfunctioning. There is this one person who sent a GM which stated there that he wouldn’t avail unlimited text promo just because he has no text mate. I know I was the one whom he is referring to because I didn’t reply to his private message after I have sent a group text.

Maybe I was just a little of confused as I am writing this but through those people stated above, they have pushed me to do this.

                First semester is just a taste of college’s wrath. I am certain that I will be facing more trials not just in academics but also with my relationsh*t with my colleagues.